It is crazy to think that just four weeks ago I was sitting in an airport crying my eyes out, hugging my dad, knowing I wasn’t going to see him until Christmas. So much has happened since then.
I’ve settled in, made friends, started classes, joined an acapella club, explored where I’m living for the next year and so on. I’m having the time of my life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss home.
Week four has been marked by the strong pain of homesickness. My friends are still on their summer holidays and are meeting up and having fun without me. My dad and my brother’s birthdays are this week and it hurts my heart that I am not there to wish him a happy birthday in person. Whilst my boyfriend is also studying abroad in America, trying to navigate the American public transport system in order to see him is proving a struggle. I’m used to walking down the road when I want to see him so this is tough.
The people I usually share my innermost thoughts with and rawest moments aren’t here. That’s weird for me. It’s weird to not be sharing my day to day life with the people I’ve seen so often up until now.
I’m so lucky to be here but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss home.
I’ve been listening to ‘Waiting’ by Julia Nunes this week and the lyrics have never felt more true than they do right now. Not only for missing home but for the fact that it was the seven year anniversary of my beautiful mum’s passing the other day. That day was hard. It’s always hard but it was harder than ever this time because I was away from my family too.
To make things worse, today I got my grade back for a presentation I did last week. I was over the moon with the mark but the comments cut me a little. My teacher had put that I needed to speak slower because people couldn’t understand me. I found this to be an unnecessary comment for a number of reasons. Firstly, I have a very stereotypically southern British accent so I think it is a lot easier to understand to the American ear than other regional accents. Secondly, I know I speak faster when I present something and I take that criticism on board but don’t make it to be a negative comment on my accent. I already feel out of place in a new country – I can’t go anywhere without someone commenting on my accent and that’s fine. Nevertheless, I listen to American accents all day and don’t complain that I can’t understand because I can understand because it’s really not that different to mine! Maybe homesickness and made me take this more to heart than I should but hey, cut me some slack.
Moving abroad is hard and missing home is harder.
I saw this on campus yesterday and it made me smile. I feel so sad right now but I have hope that it will get better.