my little beam of light

I wrote this post a few weeks ago but only just felt strong enough to post it.

I feel like my life has centred around loss recently. It seems that every other weekend I have been going back to my hometown for a funeral or because of a family situation and so I’ve not only lost people from my life but also lost the normality of life.


As I write this I am back on the sofa at home, trying to ignore the clock because time is ticking on and it is getting ever closer to 4.30. The vet appointment. The time that I say goodbye to the one friend that has been there in my darkest hours & shared my happiest times.


To some a dog is just a pet but Maisy has always been so much more than that to me. My parents bought her for me when my mum was just recovering from her first battle with cancer. She was this little bundle of energy and happiness that I could focus on training and looking after rather than worrying about my mum, which at 11 years old you shouldn’t have to do. I remember when she was really little she ripped a hole in my favourite shirt and I was mad for about 30 seconds but after that just said I hadn’t liked the shirt anyway because I just couldn’t be angry at this little fluff ball.


When my mum died I felt so isolated. People at school didn’t get it and my family was also trying to cope with the loss so Maisy was really the only comfort that I had. Taking her for long walks and cuddling on my bed with her was all I really lived for when my mental health problems reared their ugly head last year and I couldn’t have asked for a better best friend. People who know me well have all fallen in love with her too and everyone knows how much I adore her and how special she is to me. Not a day has gone by since the moment she came into my life that I haven’t thought about her and how much I love her.


So when people say she’s just a dog I will point them to this post because she really wasn’t JUST a dog. She’s been a support system, a best friend and truly the greatest dog I have ever had.

I’m not sure whether there will be a time in the future when I don’t feel like my life is centred around loss. I hope there is. But for now all I can do is keep my chin up.

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